No one’s getting lucky.
You’re up all night ‘til the sun, she’s up all night to get some, and no one’s having any fun. That song might not be about milk, but that’s all your sweet babe wants all. night. long. And the love of your life? You’ve barely had a conversation in weeks unless you count whispered confrontations while the baby’s asleep and full-on blow-outs when she’s awake. To say your relationship’s taken a hit since the cry-it-out-don’t-cry-it-out and who-had-the-worst-sleep-last-night debates began would be putting it mildly. The question is – what to do?
Bring sexy back.
Sorry guys, I couldn’t resist. That song is just so
overplayed appropriate. But I know – it’s not funny. You’re worn out and more than a little PO’d about the dirty dishes/laundry mountain/diaper pail and you’re not feeling too schmoopy. That doesn’t mean Valentine’s day has to be a bust. Here’s how to rekindle your flame:
- Be respectful. No eye-rolls/sighs/scoffs/whatevers or anything else contemptuous no matter how bad the argument. Nada.
- Walk away before things go off the rails. Getting the last word in will get you… nothing.
- Let go of the grudge-match. Your baby now runs the show, so when one of you can’t make it home for dinner/tummy time/lullabies, no doubt it’s disappointing. For everyone. Continuing to be annoyed by something that’s out of both of your control means you’ll continue to be annoyed by something that’s out of both of your control.
- Keep an open mind by shutting out negative thoughts. As in: don’t judge/criticize when the person who just slept eight straight hours complains about feeling tired. Yup.
- Have patience. A rut always feels like it’ll last forever when you’re stuck in the middle. It won’t.
- Communicate. If the only thing you feel is capital-R Resentment, it’s time to let it out. Your honey seriously may not realize you need help with breakfast/bottles/bathtime if you keep it to yourself. Seriously. Similar to opening up a convo with bully bosses and disappointing friends, you need to think about how to say what you want to say before you snap and immediately regret it.
- Don’t over-assume. Just because you’ve fallen into traditional roles doesn’t make it okay for either of you to ignore the meal prep/garbage bins/vacuuming/shoveling. No one likes to be taken for granted.
- Forget your old DINK standards. Your home won’t be magazine worthy or even clean for months… or, um, years. That’s what makes it a home.
- Divide and conquer. While assuming’s not cool, it’s smart to split up the chore chart/baby duty if you work it out together. Which leads us right back to communication, peeps.
- Agree to disagree. You won’t always be on the same page when your baby’s sick/flinging food/potty-non-training, and you don’t have to be. But you are on the same team, so don’t talk smack in front of the tots. Work out your game plan behind closed doors. Respectfully.
- Schedule a date-night. Or at least a coffee-date. Or, at the very least, a couch-date. No babies allowed – even a growth spurting babe can go without her milk supply for one hour of adult conversation/pure relaxation.
- Do something nice for your better half when you can. It doesn’t have to be crazy – prep a brown-bag lunch, fill up a near-empty gas tank, or share a laugh when you share your latest monkey mugshots. The little things that glam up the daily grind mean a heck of a lot more than occasional grand gestures and it’s true what they say – what goes around comes around.
Life might be a lot less spontaneous/romantic/hygienic these days, but it doesn’t have to suck. Adapting to a baby/toddler/teenager is a lot easier if you remember what’s important. There’s nothing sexier than a loving, committed, devoted partner who’s also an awesome parent. If you’ve found one of the good ones… guess who already got lucky!
Leave a comment below or email us if you’re giving it your all and it’s still. not. working.